My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
