What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
