You smell like stripper and shame
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize