She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A bitchslap is in order.
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