I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize