Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
