I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
