Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
