So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
