haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
