I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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