I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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