I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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