Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I looked at my own cervix.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
