after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
