I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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