If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
