They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize