last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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