i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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