I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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