Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
