i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
