I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
