If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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