playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
