somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
