You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
