Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize