at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
