he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
