I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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