I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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