I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
