yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize