At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
