he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
