I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
