watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
