between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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