I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
