How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
