Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
