He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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