i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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