Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
