Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
