i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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