Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
