PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
