I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
