Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
