that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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