and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
