I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
