You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
