Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
