I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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