my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
