nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
