There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
