ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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