I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
