That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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