Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize