my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
