the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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