ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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