I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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