I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it hurts more in the daytime
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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