Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Say something about gay babies.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
