a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize