this just has baby written all over it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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