Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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