if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
