I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
