i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
