Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
