I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
