i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
