i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize