You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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