we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
