I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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