The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
