i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize