I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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